BY Phil Stevens
I've been taking a look at the past ten years of my life as of late— all the changes and transformations I’ve been through, and all the hurdles I’ve conquered. And— the good the bad areas of health mental and physical that go along with them.
My latest little hill to climb was this short "cut" I did that was seemingly just another easy, painless, and very effective transformation for me.
In reality however, while physically it was very easy, it was another huge mental milestone for me in the past ten years of change. Ten years that have seen me go from a blubbery 300+ pounds at probably 40-50% bodyfat to a literally sickly 165 pounds.
From a fish swimming in alcohol and 3 pack a day smoker from the age of 9, to totally dropping alcohol for a time, and finally not smoking. From one eating disorder (stuffing my face) to a “seemingly” great relationship with food, then transitioning to another eating disorder and literally getting to the point of starving myself, deprivation, binging and purging, all of that.
From a state of anything goes, to a brief period of being in control happy and healthy, to never thin enough. Less, less, less, no body fat is good. If a lot of something is bad then ANY is evil. From not training to three times a week. Then to twice a days. Then to twice a day weights every day, to that plus twice a day running every day.
Add on to all of that making every second, every minute, and every activity about burning calories, dropping fat, building muscle. Hours and hours spent weighing, measuring, stressing every macro, micro, ounce, pound, inch, mile and minute eaten, lifted, walked or ran. From bad health and obese, to even worse health, literally near death, hating life, but defined as hot by visual standards, by women, and of course mainstream media.
Hell, no wonder we're so confused! It’s a fine line we walk— those of us with type A and addictive personalities. Obsession can be our best friend and our worst enemy. We can literally do ANYTHING we set our minds to. We just have to chose it and then make it happen. We are revered for what we do, our ability to make things happen.
But sadly many times it’s the things we do that are the worst for ourselves that are looked up upon by others as our greatest achievements. Which brings about the bad thing about our ability. That we can make things, anything, happen. Anything we set our mind to, no matter what, no matter how bad it is for us mentally, physically, emotionally. No matter the physical and mental pain, we just turn it off and make it happen. It’s just pain, keep going that shit can't keep you down. You just cope and GET IT DONE!
Again this latest little cut was a huge step for me. Another step in showing myself that I'm in control. Learning how to harness my ability in a positive way. That I can, at anytime, just make “it” happen, but also proving to myself I’m in control of the one thing in this world at times I fear I’m not in control of, Myself.
That once I start something I won't stop no matter what its doing to me. That no matter the cost the stress and pain I'll just keep going and take it extreme. Not have the ability again to stop my self, stop making “it” happen. That I’ll cut till I’m near, or maybe this time actually dead. Or eat until I’m a blubbering mess or mass of humanity. The self is our biggest battle.
On Sunday, the last day of this cut, I was really reflecting on all of this. Upon talking about it with a good friend, as usually happens for me, article ideas come about in real world lived experience and conversation, I decided this would make a good article series.
So the next few articles, now that I’ve covered the backbone, the meat and taters of the addictive, all or nothing personality. I will cover in more detail from my own experience; first where things can go / went wrong and how you can become your own worst enemy. Then on to how you can be your best tool and learn to harness that power for positive transformations and goals.
I hope this strikes some good dialogue. I feel this can both be good for those with this personality. Those who have experienced many of the same things or those who are at risk of it. As well informational for those who don’t have this trait of simply making anything they desire happen, and possibly showing that they to can learn these skills where we have to learn to harness them they selectively can adopt them
Until the next installment, go make something positive happen!
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